This is the last month I will end here in the UK until I come back in September, and that feels really strange. I’m not leaving particularly soon, but I will end June (very jetlagged) in Austin. So here is May.
When writing these monthly summaries, I pull up my calendar and look at the month overview. May looks empty in comparison. In reaction to April’s weekly travel, I stayed very much in Lancaster this month, with only one trip of about 30 minutes away to attend a Romanian Orthodox Easter service. My rule was no trips I had to pack for, and that happened. For the first time since before I moved I’ve spent every night in the same city. It feels wild to say that, but its been nice. I’ve felt settled.
May is a transition month. It’s between spring and summer, it’s almost the end of a school year, it’s just so in between. This month has felt different, and for so many reasons it has been. Sometimes it’s felt like I’ve just been waiting for something. I don’t know if that’s exams, or going home, or anything really. I’ve felt jittery and on edge, and not just from too much coffee. Not having lectures has left a lot more empty space in my week, and it can be hard to structure life with so much empty time.
I really think one of the things we don’t discuss and don’t know how to prepare for as university students is the fact that there isn’t a schedule or routine. Life is not 9-5 where the day ends and you might take work home but not always. Your classes are scattered around, the work you do is always changing, just like the amount. You both always have studying to do, but also have so little structure around when all of that occurs. You don’t have an office, you work where you socialize where you sleep and eat and live and everything else you do with your life. It means that “work” doesn’t get to stop because you went home, or its the weekend. And I know actual jobs can be the same, but there is something incredibly challenging about that structure for students.
May was different. Both March and April were so busy and stressful, its hard to compare them to May because it was a different stress. I don’t feel like I’ve been running for the past 31 days this time around. I’ve got one exam left and less than 20 days till I’m back in Austin.
I know June will be about how strange and difficult leaving will be, so lets leave May as the month I spent just here, not being pulled around the continent, or the world, just here (mostly in the library) for the last time this year.